As kids we go through many phobias such as a fear of the darkness or worrying about monsters under the bed. Pixar did a wonderful job teaching kids to laugh at these monsters with their animated film “Monsters, Inc.” The installment of “The Dark Knight” into the Batman saga obliterated the fear of external monsters altogether when The Joker (played by Heath Ledger) coolly speaks, “We stopped checking for monsters under our beds when we realized they were inside us.”
I cannot help but to wonder exactly how much credit we must give to fear. External fear activates our fight-or-flight instincts which can potentially save our lives in case of an encounter with a wild animal or an interrupted burglary. Internal fear can paralyze us from escaping an abusive relationship or beginning a new art project. Regardless of the source of fear, it seems to have an everlasting role in our personal growth as being the most effective of teachers once we overcome it.
This past summer I had my own encounter with fear that produced an objective and permanent change in my psyche. It came after a healing session with three women whom I look up to as great healers and, more importantly, friends. The session was shamanic in nature accompanied by rattles, drums, crystal skulls and a divination. A seal was located over my third eye chakra and I remember thinking it very peculiar that the word “seal” was used in place of “blockage.” Intuitively, Sherry continued to say this was a seal I had placed on myself. It wasn’t a surprise, having just passed through a Mercury cycle in retrograde I had locked up many skeletons in my closet in the subconscious hope that they would go away. Once my fears had been presented to me I knew my lesson would be to overcome them. What I did not know, however, was how long overdue this lesson was.
Having felt reassured by the healing session I became arrogant and underestimated my need to properly ground. The shift in my energy pattern was immediately profound, I knew something deep had been unlocked and I was enjoying the feeling of a healthy aura for the first time in months. There was a grounding team assigned to 30 minute workings on each person as they left the room but I entered by myself and told the others not to worry. Thankfully they were experienced enough to know better and came in after a short period of time.
A psychic trigger had been pulled when I was laying on the grounding table, surrounded by grounding crystals with an amethyst bio-mat beneath me. The temperature dropped down and my mouth dried up. Starting with the hairs on the back of my neck every follicle on my body stood straight up. Tears streamed from my eyes for a reason I did not know and I gasped for air as my body began convulsing. I remember the other people in the room trying to help, but their voices sounded as if I were underwater.
Clouds rolled in over my vision and in the darkness I saw two red eyes and a set of crooked yellow teeth approaching me. The entity was chained but he slashed them violently around, the sound of metal on concrete reverberating throughout the air around me. When I met his gaze I felt the sense of awe in his power. The energy was raw fear, unlike anything I had encountered in my short experience of practicing shamanic journeys. This entity was old and spoke of many terrible deeds he had committed while on the path of fear. He was truly powerful and promised to help me accomplish great things if I would let him in. Others had given in to him many times in the past; had I given him the opportunity he would have summoned their visions and actions forward with ease. I speak of him objectively as a real entity because that’s what he was – this was more than just monsters under the bed or an internal conception of fear or panic. I saw the body of who he’d piggybacked on most recently and I cried out in fear for her.
At this point I regained hearing when the voice of my friends broke through the darkness like the sun peeking through a hurricane spiral. They were firm and repetitive, “Close the veil.” I heard. “Come back, and close the veil.” I distanced myself from the demon and his gaze weakened. Receding backward, the sound of thrashing chains dulled and was replaced by instructions to breathe. That was when I felt how strong my heart was beating into my throat and with a heave I managed to take a deep breath. I began feeling hands soothing my arms and legs and the terror receded further away. With a final breath my lips stopped quivering and I was back in the room.
What I learned that day was something all healers encounter in their lives – humility. Arrogance and inexperience had blinded me to the threats that were out there, waiting for a chance to enter. Having my third-eye chakra opened in my healing session left me without psychological defenses and for the first time in this life I was challenged to rely on my own soul in the chaos of the void. No gods, no angels, no rationale could have saved me without my own recognition that now was the time for my ego to be humbled. It was my time to learn the power of fear. It was time for my soul to be transformed by overcoming it. Without the love and support of my friends and the excellent healers they’ve become from their own struggles and experiences in this life I may have later escaped with more than the few scars I obtained.
I still meet fear when I’m interacting with others and building my healing practice. Fear isn’t going anywhere until we all learn the importance of overcoming it. Now that I’ve had my own experience with this I do not fear the monsters “under the bed” or those entities past the boundary of my protective aura. Instead I face them head on, treat them with unconditional love, and ask them to teach me what my soul desires so strongly to learn.
I depart from this article with another fabled quote that may help you through your soul’s next lesson: “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.” -Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.
May joy always be your cavalry.